Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I know that Alzheimer's is not curable. I know that things are going to get worse. I know that. But I don't KNOW it. I don't want to accept it. I don't understand why it has to be this way.

What causes the brain to stop remembering? What stops the brain from learning new things? Why are there glimmers of my "other Mom" at times? Why does my Mom care more about the lives of strangers and cries over illnesses of people she barely knows and has no sympathy for family members?

Why does she get upset with me when she offers me a
tic tac
and I say no thank you? (I've never cared for them, she is never without them.)

Why am I so surprised when something new comes up that upsets her?

Why does my teenage self sometimes show itself when Mom gives me a hard time? We lived through those years once, I don't want to live through it again!

Why does it seem as if she WANTS to be mad? Why does it seem like she is trying to find reasons to be unhappy?

Why does the brain lose its ability to reason?


Kimberly said...

Isn't it bizarre the way they fixate on being so miserable? I never thought someone could find so much to complain about... My prayers are with you.

Di said...

found reference to your blog on one of the message boards at the all your comment and can't believe how identical some of the things you write are to my own experience with my dad...we've been (knowingly, anyway) walking this road for about 1 1/2 years...said all that to say, please keep helps others...more than my words here can say..God Bless You!!!!

Daughter said...

Thank you Di.