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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Something for me…

Today I went to see a counselor/life coach/therapist. This is a good thing for me. I’ve done this at various times in my life. Sometimes when things overwhelm and seem too confusing its good to have someone that does not have an emotional stake in what is going on to give an impartial assessment.

I think God sent me to this particular person. I Googled “life coach” in the area close by- and the first one that I looked at is the one I chose to contact. Verified by Psychology Today. A Christian. 10+ years experience (I’m not sure how that is possible- she looks like she’s about 19 or 20!)

We got in contact through email and met for the first time today. I‘ve forgotten how difficult it is to try to explain your whole life in an hour or less! Oh my goodness! And of course after I left I thought- “ should have told her this- I should have told her that…”

My DH and I saw a marriage counselor a few years ago (the best money we EVER spent!) and when I saw her privately she told me two things I’ll never forget. “You have to live your life now- you can’t wait until your parents give you their approval or until they die. You will never be able to please your mother.”

And then after a family meeting which included our parents) “Please don’t tell your mother what I told you. I do not want her showing up at my door.”

I listened to her. And while that may seem to some to be odd that my old therapist would say that, she had good reason. 

I should have told my new therapist this… I will next time I see her.  I love Mom and have always loved her.But sometimes we weren’t good for each other… I’m not sure what that means for our lives now. But I think we are making the best we can of it. Praying working with SM (my therapist) will help me make sense of what I need to be doing to get things under control in my life so I can live it the way God intends me to live it…

2 comments:

Linda said...

So glad you're doing "something for you" !!!! Send her an email with what you posted and then you won't forget to tell her. ((((<<<>>>))))

Thimbelle said...

Linda, that's a great idea! :)

Daughter, you really are doing your best. And you have to remember that while we should always RESPECT our parents, while we should always try to treat them in a loving fashion... it doesn't mean that we will always be able to get along with them. Sometimes, our personalities just clash - even with close family members.

I fully understand why you are trying to take care of your parents at home. But remain open to the idea that you might (at some point, soon or in the future) need to place them in a professional setting.

Then you can be a daughter again - be their advocate, their friend, their child...

I'm so proud of you - seeking out a life coach was a great thing to do, and I hope that she helps you see your way through to some solutions that will work for everyone!

(((hugs))) Thim :)