Monday, May 24, 2010


How do I explain this? On some level I knew this, but this morning it really hit home. I have in the past, resented my mother for trying to control my life.  Those feelings resurface when Mom gives me unwanted and unsolicited advice or makes derogatory comments on the way I "do things". (Apologies to my daughter for the times- I'm afraid it might be many times- I have done the same)

What I realized this morning is I am now doing the same for/to Mom. She doesn't want me to tell her how to spend "her" money. She doesn't want me to tell her how to take her medication. She doesn't want me setting up doctors appointments. She would be angry to know I go through her closet and pull out the dirty clothes. She would be upset even more to know I have things set up with the bank to let me know when her checking account balance goes below a certain point.

She would be furious if she knew I was seeing an attorney to talk about setting up a trust, or that I've even considered going to court to get guardianship.

There is a fine line I suppose. I am fortunate in having my father's full support. I can't imagine what it would be like if Dad were not here, or even worse, if he disapproved of my taking over things. And what would I do without my DH who reminds me that the disease is talking- not my Mom? And my daughter who comes when she can, even though she is busy with her family?

I don't feel guilty for doing what I am doing. And I don't feel like I should get the martyrdom award of the year either. But finally realizing this on all levels, I hope will make me more patient and understanding in how I respond to Mom and her needs.

God knows I don't have all the answers; I just pray God will guide me to make as few mistakes as possible.

1 comment:

Cher said...

First, Thank you for the apology :) Seeing things now I know now it's what you were taught..

I can only guess how hard this is on you right now, I see what I can and probably more then most because of the research I've done since I was younger to the time I worked in the Alzhiemers Unit...

All I can say is your doing a good job, because there's no one way to handle this... honestly there is no right way... since there is so normal and you have to react to anything... even ice cream bars with bites taken out of them put back in the wrapper and the freezer lol

I'm sorry is all I can say....