Saturday I had a meeting scheduled at 8 AM with our local ministerial group about our upcoming Easter Sunrise Service. But when I got up and was getting ready for the meeting Dad told me he needed to go to the emergency room. When he got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, his leg almost collapsed and he was afraid there was something wrong with his hip. He wasn't in a hurry to go- he just wanted to go sometime after breakfast. So I went to my meeting and told them I had to keep it short and told them why. Got done in about a half an hour. (As an aside- wouldn't you think that in a group of pastors, one of them might offer to pray for my dad...? Perhaps they did so after I left.)
So I got home quickly and gathered Mom and Dad into the car. About 6 hours later we were home. Dad has sciatica. They took an x-ray and the ER doctor wants him to be seen in the Spine Clinic. The 6 hours I spent with them took away from my time in the church office and so I didn't get the things done I needed for Sunday early enough to go to the surprise birthday party for a lady from the church. D and I were planning on going but there was no way to get it all done before and I was sure I'd be too tired after.
When I did get done, D and I watched The Blind Side. We both thought it was a great movie.
I tried to make light of not going to the party as I didn't want Dad to feel badly. Mom didn't remember we were going to a party, so it didn't matter to her.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
One of THOSE days...
Had one of those days yesterday where nothing I said to my mother was right. It didn't matter. If I said the sun was shining she told me she wasn't stupid, she could see the sun was shining. If I offered to help her in ANY way- I was taking away her independence. When I didn't help her I was just like my father and inconsiderate. When I got angry and walked away instead of saying something back to her, she yelled at me for not "discussing" the situation. You get the idea.
By the time my husband came home I was not doing so great. When I spent some time with him and told him what happened- he laughed!!! Which, really was the right thing to do. He said, "See what your dad has gone through for the last few years?" Yes- I do.
This morning Mom wanted to know if she had bugged me yesterday. I told her yesterday was forgotten and today is a new day. She said, "Well, if I ever do anything to upset you, please let me know." HA! Like that's going to happen!
By the time my husband came home I was not doing so great. When I spent some time with him and told him what happened- he laughed!!! Which, really was the right thing to do. He said, "See what your dad has gone through for the last few years?" Yes- I do.
This morning Mom wanted to know if she had bugged me yesterday. I told her yesterday was forgotten and today is a new day. She said, "Well, if I ever do anything to upset you, please let me know." HA! Like that's going to happen!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
All My Fault...
Mom came to me tonight to tell me she is having problems with her medicine. She is confused as to what she is to take and when. She blames this on me, because I have questioned her on if she is taking her meds correctly and she says by doing that I have lowered her self-confidence which in turn has made her forget how to take care of her meds. She said that since she is a nurse, and still has her license, she should be able to dispense her meds and anyone else's.
She says that the move has not been good for her and that she misses home. She would never have moved if it hadn't been for Dad. She said Dad needs some one to watch over him, but she doesn't. She says the move to our home is going to shorten her life.
*************************************************
I sat and listened to her and didn't say much. She was too defeated sounding to make many comments. I hate this. This is not her fault- and it is not mine. I don't think she was really blaming me, she is just struggling with yet another loss. She's lost most of her sense of taste and most of her hearing. She is losing some sight as well. This is not fair and I wish I could fix it. I can't.
***********************************************
Mom came back a few minutes ago and thanked me for listening to her. She is really having a hard time and I think she is beginning to realize it. Maybe ignorance is better... I just don't know.
She says that the move has not been good for her and that she misses home. She would never have moved if it hadn't been for Dad. She said Dad needs some one to watch over him, but she doesn't. She says the move to our home is going to shorten her life.
*************************************************
I sat and listened to her and didn't say much. She was too defeated sounding to make many comments. I hate this. This is not her fault- and it is not mine. I don't think she was really blaming me, she is just struggling with yet another loss. She's lost most of her sense of taste and most of her hearing. She is losing some sight as well. This is not fair and I wish I could fix it. I can't.
***********************************************
Mom came back a few minutes ago and thanked me for listening to her. She is really having a hard time and I think she is beginning to realize it. Maybe ignorance is better... I just don't know.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Pizza Night
We did end up going for pizza Sunday night. It was pretty late, D didn't get home until 7 pm so it was almost 7:20 when we got to the pizza place. It took Mom a very long time to decide what to order. And then she tried to order a double cheeseburger which even the waitress (bless her heart) said "No way!" She told my mom the burgers are really large. So Mom reluctantly ordered a regular cheeseburger and then told the waitress that if she went home hungry it would be the waitress fault.
My son used to work at the pizza place and the waitress remembers us. She was very sweet and accommodating. Mom ordered water to drink, then changed her mind to milk, and then asked if she could have hot tea instead of milk. The waitress heated iced tea in the microwave and brought it to Mom in a glass. This confused Mom, she thought it very odd that they didn't have coffee cups, but this is one place that doesn't normally serve hot drinks.
The burger was more than enough for Mom and we spent some time looking at the placemats answering the questions. I was challenged to recite all seven of the 7 Dwarves. Only six came to mind- I forgot Bashful.
The owner of the restaurant was there and he came by the table to see how we were doing before our meal was served, and then he came by again after we had eaten. Mom looked at him and asked him if he was running for office. He didn't hear her, he wears a hearing aid and then she didn't hear him and it got pretty funny for the rest of us. I explained who he was and she didn't seem impressed.
Then a lady from another table came over and asked Mom if she used to work on the Obstetrics floor of a local hospital. This has happened MANY times in my life- being in public with Mom when someone recognizes her. It was good for Mom to have that moment to talk about nursing and her past work.
My son used to work at the pizza place and the waitress remembers us. She was very sweet and accommodating. Mom ordered water to drink, then changed her mind to milk, and then asked if she could have hot tea instead of milk. The waitress heated iced tea in the microwave and brought it to Mom in a glass. This confused Mom, she thought it very odd that they didn't have coffee cups, but this is one place that doesn't normally serve hot drinks.
The burger was more than enough for Mom and we spent some time looking at the placemats answering the questions. I was challenged to recite all seven of the 7 Dwarves. Only six came to mind- I forgot Bashful.
The owner of the restaurant was there and he came by the table to see how we were doing before our meal was served, and then he came by again after we had eaten. Mom looked at him and asked him if he was running for office. He didn't hear her, he wears a hearing aid and then she didn't hear him and it got pretty funny for the rest of us. I explained who he was and she didn't seem impressed.
Then a lady from another table came over and asked Mom if she used to work on the Obstetrics floor of a local hospital. This has happened MANY times in my life- being in public with Mom when someone recognizes her. It was good for Mom to have that moment to talk about nursing and her past work.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Door County Wisconsin
After church and premarital counseling with a couple being married in June, Mom, Dad and I went to Sam's Club to shop. Considering the crowds it all went well. I was very tired and on the way home decided I didn't want to cook tonight so it looks like pizza may be in the forecast... Cloudy with a Chance of Pepperoni? LOL.
Anyway, on the way home I stopped at Mickey Dee's and got a cappuccino for Mom and Iced Mochas for Dad and I. Dad was impressed and now is happy to know there is a Mickey Dee's close by.
Then we started talking about Door County. I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but it was an awesome ride home. We talked about the first time we went up there together when C was only 3 months old. And then we talked about the time we went up there with my in-laws when C turned three-years-old. And then the last time we went up together (with my in-laws again) when my son T was only 4 and we stayed in a house with holes in the roof (we could see the stars at night) and how it snowed in September and we got quite cold. Mom and Dad ended up in a motel one night. We had a good time remembering. It was a fun ride. I wish they could all be that way!
Anyway, on the way home I stopped at Mickey Dee's and got a cappuccino for Mom and Iced Mochas for Dad and I. Dad was impressed and now is happy to know there is a Mickey Dee's close by.
Then we started talking about Door County. I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but it was an awesome ride home. We talked about the first time we went up there together when C was only 3 months old. And then we talked about the time we went up there with my in-laws when C turned three-years-old. And then the last time we went up together (with my in-laws again) when my son T was only 4 and we stayed in a house with holes in the roof (we could see the stars at night) and how it snowed in September and we got quite cold. Mom and Dad ended up in a motel one night. We had a good time remembering. It was a fun ride. I wish they could all be that way!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The last two days...
The last two days have gone really well for the most part. Dad is so very happy to be here and he tells me that more than once a day. Mom has her ups and downs, but I really think she is doing quite well considering the changes that have taken place in her life.
Thursday and Friday she spent a lot of time with my daughter C and her two youngest, Little Bit and Hot Rod. Little Bit is 5 and is a real girly girl. Hot Rod is 3 and loves his boy stuff. Mom showed Bit how to say “I love you” when holding hands. (A hand squeeze) They did a lot of hand-holding and squeezing. Mom had a great time. And both nights she slept really well. I think the extra stimulation during the day is helping.
My daughter C talked to Mom about driving. Mom was complaining we won’t let her drive by herself. C told her we were worried that since she can’t hear and can’t use a telephone, if something happened or if she did get lost, she wouldn’t be able to get help. Mom seems to be remembering that and has brought it up a couple of times.
She is confused about some things. It’s odd how one day certain things are confusing to her and the next day they are just fine.
Last night she told me she couldn’t use her computer. The screen was black. I asked her if she had turned it off, and she looked at me as if I were nuts. So I went and checked, and sure enough it was off.
Then she couldn’t remember how to forward her email to someone else (sorry folks- I showed her how again!) She also didn’t remember what a disc was and that her medicine list was on a disc. She blames my redoing her computer. And that is fine- I can handle that!
There was a lot of confusion about medicine last night and she was very agitated because she must “pour” Dad’s meds on Saturday night. I’ve offered to help and she seemed ok with that.
But she was not okay with realizing at the time that she wasn’t remembering things. I told her she was just tired and tomorrow would be better.
Thursday and Friday she spent a lot of time with my daughter C and her two youngest, Little Bit and Hot Rod. Little Bit is 5 and is a real girly girl. Hot Rod is 3 and loves his boy stuff. Mom showed Bit how to say “I love you” when holding hands. (A hand squeeze) They did a lot of hand-holding and squeezing. Mom had a great time. And both nights she slept really well. I think the extra stimulation during the day is helping.
My daughter C talked to Mom about driving. Mom was complaining we won’t let her drive by herself. C told her we were worried that since she can’t hear and can’t use a telephone, if something happened or if she did get lost, she wouldn’t be able to get help. Mom seems to be remembering that and has brought it up a couple of times.
She is confused about some things. It’s odd how one day certain things are confusing to her and the next day they are just fine.
Last night she told me she couldn’t use her computer. The screen was black. I asked her if she had turned it off, and she looked at me as if I were nuts. So I went and checked, and sure enough it was off.
Then she couldn’t remember how to forward her email to someone else (sorry folks- I showed her how again!) She also didn’t remember what a disc was and that her medicine list was on a disc. She blames my redoing her computer. And that is fine- I can handle that!
There was a lot of confusion about medicine last night and she was very agitated because she must “pour” Dad’s meds on Saturday night. I’ve offered to help and she seemed ok with that.
But she was not okay with realizing at the time that she wasn’t remembering things. I told her she was just tired and tomorrow would be better.
More Conversations
Scene: Sitting in church with the Wednesday night prayer group whom she has just met.
Mom: As my mother used to say- it's... (Turning to me) Can I swear in church?
Me: No
Mom: I can't swear in church?
Me: No
Mom: You can't use bad words in church?
Me: (Knowing she wants to use the word "hell") If you are talking about the place, sure you can use it, but if you are swearing I'd rather you didn't.
Mom: What?
Me: If you are talking about the place it's ok. If not, let's just use the word "heck."
Mom: But it's not heck to grow old, it's hell to grow old. (Laughter from the group)( Mom smiles at me)
Mom: As my mother used to say- it's... (Turning to me) Can I swear in church?
Me: No
Mom: I can't swear in church?
Me: No
Mom: You can't use bad words in church?
Me: (Knowing she wants to use the word "hell") If you are talking about the place, sure you can use it, but if you are swearing I'd rather you didn't.
Mom: What?
Me: If you are talking about the place it's ok. If not, let's just use the word "heck."
Mom: But it's not heck to grow old, it's hell to grow old. (Laughter from the group)( Mom smiles at me)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Anosognosia
I love words. I love to find out their roots, where they come from. The "Increase Your Word Power" part of the Reader's Digest has been my favorite since I was a little girl.
I just found out about the word "Anosognosia" a couple of days ago. "nosos" means disease, "gnosis" means knowledge. The "A" in front of the word is a negative prefix, so the word (A)nosognosia could be broken into "no disease knowledge."
Basically, Anosognosia is the inability to recognize one's own illness. From my reading, this is fairly common with people who are dealing with brain issues. It's not denial. Some people are just not able to recognize they have a problem. Period.
It helps me to know this. I can't expect Mom to know there is something wrong and can't expect her to understand why I react to her the way I do. So, it will be better to try to change the way I react. While my head knows Mom can't help wanting to buy Egg Beaters every day,(even though we have a case in the refrigerator) my heart wants her to remember!
Some people know they have a problem, some will never know. I'm not sure which ones are better off.
I just found out about the word "Anosognosia" a couple of days ago. "nosos" means disease, "gnosis" means knowledge. The "A" in front of the word is a negative prefix, so the word (A)nosognosia could be broken into "no disease knowledge."
Basically, Anosognosia is the inability to recognize one's own illness. From my reading, this is fairly common with people who are dealing with brain issues. It's not denial. Some people are just not able to recognize they have a problem. Period.
It helps me to know this. I can't expect Mom to know there is something wrong and can't expect her to understand why I react to her the way I do. So, it will be better to try to change the way I react. While my head knows Mom can't help wanting to buy Egg Beaters every day,(even though we have a case in the refrigerator) my heart wants her to remember!
Some people know they have a problem, some will never know. I'm not sure which ones are better off.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
A Good Day
Today was a good day. I got a little work done, Mom and Dad went to get their address changed on their driver's licenses. We had family over for dinner for my granddaughter's birthday. R turned 9 on Saturday, but it was too soon after the move and I was gone at an all day meeting on Saturday, so we didn't celebrate then. I, of course, did call her and sang "Happy Birthday" Saturday morning during a break.
Mom and I went for a short walk today outside. It was a beautiful sunny day. We walked down to the little grocery store about two blocks away and sat on their benches for a bit and then headed back.
Mom also fell going down the steps to the sidewalk. D has built another step and is going to put up hand rails.
Nothing was mentioned about my "losing it" yesterday... If there is one saving grace in this disease it's perhaps she will forget those types of things.
Today she can't figure out where the couch went. They brought their couch here and it was too big for their sitting room. We gave away an old hand-me down-couch of ours, and my DH moved their couch into the family room two days ago. She has actually sat and watched TV in the family room sitting on the couch, but today, she can't remember where it went.
Hired a house keeper today. She starts a week from tomorrow. Can't wait! She came highly recommended and seems like she will be fine. She'll come every other week.
Helped a lady get her insulin today(helped her last month too- (luckily she will be getting some more help next month from Catholic Charities) and visited with an older member of the church whose son was burned yesterday. He has third degree burns over 55% of his body and is in a burn unit. The parishioner is upbeat and trusts that God will take care of things. She herself is very ill and is on oxygen 24/7. She is 85 years old and has a very unhealthy heart. But she does not complain about anything.
I can't complain either. I am blessed. My parents are safe, my family is supportive and my church cares as well.
God is Good
All the Time
All the Time
God is Good
Mom and I went for a short walk today outside. It was a beautiful sunny day. We walked down to the little grocery store about two blocks away and sat on their benches for a bit and then headed back.
Mom also fell going down the steps to the sidewalk. D has built another step and is going to put up hand rails.
Nothing was mentioned about my "losing it" yesterday... If there is one saving grace in this disease it's perhaps she will forget those types of things.
Today she can't figure out where the couch went. They brought their couch here and it was too big for their sitting room. We gave away an old hand-me down-couch of ours, and my DH moved their couch into the family room two days ago. She has actually sat and watched TV in the family room sitting on the couch, but today, she can't remember where it went.
Hired a house keeper today. She starts a week from tomorrow. Can't wait! She came highly recommended and seems like she will be fine. She'll come every other week.
Helped a lady get her insulin today(helped her last month too- (luckily she will be getting some more help next month from Catholic Charities) and visited with an older member of the church whose son was burned yesterday. He has third degree burns over 55% of his body and is in a burn unit. The parishioner is upbeat and trusts that God will take care of things. She herself is very ill and is on oxygen 24/7. She is 85 years old and has a very unhealthy heart. But she does not complain about anything.
I can't complain either. I am blessed. My parents are safe, my family is supportive and my church cares as well.
God is Good
All the Time
All the Time
God is Good
Lost and Found
Lost it for a while yesterday. Driving down the highway going 55 mph with my mom in the passenger seat. Crying. (Me crying) Mom getting after me about my attitude and why I I was acting so much like my father (!) That has been her complaint for years- that I "talk" like my father. Unfortunately, she doesn't recognize how my father has changed and how patient and loving he is to her. Evidently she doesn't see how much I am like her. I am not a nurse like she was, but I care deeply for people and that is how God uses me. To be a caregiver.
Spent a lot of time on the Alzheimer's website message boards yesterday. The people on those boards are some of the best. Helpful, understanding, funny, and ready to give you a kick in the a$$ if you need one. They helped me find my center again.
Today is a new day and I am looking forward to it! This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Spent a lot of time on the Alzheimer's website message boards yesterday. The people on those boards are some of the best. Helpful, understanding, funny, and ready to give you a kick in the a$$ if you need one. They helped me find my center again.
Today is a new day and I am looking forward to it! This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)