Its been over a month since I’ve written on this blog. Lots of things have happened- after all life doesn’t ever stand still. Many conversations have come and gone. Christmas, Christmas shopping, snow storms, conversations- all have occurred and are mostly forgotten.
Is Mom worse than she was when she moved here in March? Definitely. But that shouldn’t be a surprise. I think she enjoyed Christmas. When she remembered it was Christmas… Those were strange conversations! But all in all it went okay.
My DH and I went away for a few days after Christmas, but our vacation was cut short by the death of a church member. I could have had someone else do the service and stayed on vacation- but I needed to be here for her family and the church family. My two nights away really wasn’t enough and I will have to look for some other ways to “get away.”
My DH and I were both getting testy before we left and even though the time gone wasn’t enough- it was still better than nothing. We did do some talking and we did enjoy not being home…
My daughter and two of her kids came and stayed with my parents while we were gone and I think it went well. My son and daughter talked to me at length when I got back about changes they see that need to be made and I’m seriously considering them.
Today we actually close on Mom and Dad’s Condo- Mom doesn’t know. I am doing all the signing as power of attorney. She will want to spend the money (we’ve had this discussion many, many times) and it really needs to be taken care of so we have it to take care of her. (and Dad if need be) Even though she wouldn’t have access to the money- she would truly make life miserable for the rest of us if she knew it was in the bank and she couldn’t spend it.
So today is the day to close on the condo and to finish creating the funeral service for the Angel of our town. I hope to get back to writing on a daily or close to daily schedule again.
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A month gone by…
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A Quick Post...
A quick post before bed.
This morning Mom couldn't find the report Dr. A had given her. She swore she put it in a certain place and kept saying, "I know I put it there, it didn't grow legs and walk away!" She kept asking me if I was SURE I hadn't taken it.
"I'm not accusing you of anything. But it would be impossible for me not to remember where I put it. I wanted to read it this morning."
Impossible for her not to remember where she put the report that tells her she has Alzheimer's? Alice! Make room in the rabbit hole! This made all the sense in the world to her and I wanted to try to make a joke- but decided it wouldn't be a good idea.
We looked every where. High and low and in between. I finally found it. Actually very close to where she knew she had left it. Just not in the right drawer and she didn't remember filing it the way she did. Unless it DID grow legs and wander there...
I made copies of it and gave her the original. I took part of the day and went to the bank and Social Security to make some changes in her accounts.
I also went to the bank and cashed a check and gave Mom and Dad each $50. I told Dad this did not feel right at all. He didn't understand what I meant until I said the words "role reversal." This just doesn't bother him, but it still does me.
Mom was not thrilled with her "allowance." "Oh, wow. A fifty dollar bill. Whoopee." Seriously- that's what she said.
Tomorrow is another day and perhaps I'll have time to write more.
Thank you to everyone who sends me their love and comments by email or in person.
Even on the bad days- if I seem down- I know I am not alone. Your friendship, your love, your prayers, and your laughter keep me going.
And though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I know that I am not alone. God's love and his promise are forever in front of me. God's words are written in my heart where they can never be removed. And for those of you who love me but don't believe- I still thank God for you each and every day.
This morning Mom couldn't find the report Dr. A had given her. She swore she put it in a certain place and kept saying, "I know I put it there, it didn't grow legs and walk away!" She kept asking me if I was SURE I hadn't taken it.
"I'm not accusing you of anything. But it would be impossible for me not to remember where I put it. I wanted to read it this morning."
Impossible for her not to remember where she put the report that tells her she has Alzheimer's? Alice! Make room in the rabbit hole! This made all the sense in the world to her and I wanted to try to make a joke- but decided it wouldn't be a good idea.
We looked every where. High and low and in between. I finally found it. Actually very close to where she knew she had left it. Just not in the right drawer and she didn't remember filing it the way she did. Unless it DID grow legs and wander there...
I made copies of it and gave her the original. I took part of the day and went to the bank and Social Security to make some changes in her accounts.
I also went to the bank and cashed a check and gave Mom and Dad each $50. I told Dad this did not feel right at all. He didn't understand what I meant until I said the words "role reversal." This just doesn't bother him, but it still does me.
Mom was not thrilled with her "allowance." "Oh, wow. A fifty dollar bill. Whoopee." Seriously- that's what she said.
Tomorrow is another day and perhaps I'll have time to write more.
Thank you to everyone who sends me their love and comments by email or in person.
Even on the bad days- if I seem down- I know I am not alone. Your friendship, your love, your prayers, and your laughter keep me going.
And though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I know that I am not alone. God's love and his promise are forever in front of me. God's words are written in my heart where they can never be removed. And for those of you who love me but don't believe- I still thank God for you each and every day.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The Day My Mother's World Fell Apart
Today was a delightful spring-like, sunny, summer day. Today was the day my Mother's world fell apart. The day Dr. A told her she has Alzheimer's. The day when her "jokes" and her excuses fell on deaf ears, the day she was told by a doctor she should no longer drive, the day she was told if you don't take your blood pressure medicine you are asking to have a stroke, the day she was told she can no longer take care of any of her own finances, the day she was told she no longer can control her own medicine. The day her daughter became the enemy and her husband became a Judas.
Today was the day I took her out to lunch and she saw an old friend whose name she couldn’t remember. The day she asked her friend how her husband was and found out her friend’s husband had died in April. From Alzheimer’s. The day she told her friend that she's been tested for Alzheimer's but can't possibly have it. The day she told me I am always trying to find something wrong with her.
Today is the day that Dr. A told her that since her last appointment two years ago there have been significant changes in her memory, in being able to retrieve words, in impulse control. It was a beautiful day full of anger, sadness, denial and ugliness.
Mom says she remembers the conversation we all had on the Monday the 21st of June, but she remembers telling us we are wrong and she is just fine. She asked Dr. A today at least three times (and he reiterated it several more) if she has Alzheimer’s “now.” She was told yes each time.
What do you say to someone who has been told they are going to lose pieces of their mind and eventually die? What do you say to them when they wonder out loud if they would be better off with a brain tumor or brain cancer?
What do you say, how can you make them understand they are not being punished by God when it seems to them they are?
What can you do except hug and kiss them and tell them you love them? How can you possibly say, “It’s going to be okay?” How can it possibly "be okay?"
Today was the day I took her out to lunch and she saw an old friend whose name she couldn’t remember. The day she asked her friend how her husband was and found out her friend’s husband had died in April. From Alzheimer’s. The day she told her friend that she's been tested for Alzheimer's but can't possibly have it. The day she told me I am always trying to find something wrong with her.
Today is the day that Dr. A told her that since her last appointment two years ago there have been significant changes in her memory, in being able to retrieve words, in impulse control. It was a beautiful day full of anger, sadness, denial and ugliness.
Mom says she remembers the conversation we all had on the Monday the 21st of June, but she remembers telling us we are wrong and she is just fine. She asked Dr. A today at least three times (and he reiterated it several more) if she has Alzheimer’s “now.” She was told yes each time.
What do you say to someone who has been told they are going to lose pieces of their mind and eventually die? What do you say to them when they wonder out loud if they would be better off with a brain tumor or brain cancer?
What do you say, how can you make them understand they are not being punished by God when it seems to them they are?
What can you do except hug and kiss them and tell them you love them? How can you possibly say, “It’s going to be okay?” How can it possibly "be okay?"
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Medication and Money
Well, yesterday is over and today is a new day. I set up Mom's pill case on Thursday and moved her medicine bottles into a drawer in the dining room where I can keep track of them. This is just a first step. Mom not happy about it. It is not the way she does it.
She does not like it that I am setting up a weeks worth of night time pills. She doesn't do it that way. I can't even describe how she does it, it would be too confusing to put into words. I told her we are going to do it differently.
A number of confrontations yesterday concerning medication. She took two of her bedtime pills out of the pill case and did not remember what she did with them. One is her pill to help her get to sleep, the other is her allergy medication. She has no idea where they are and I've searched some and couldn't find them. I'll do a more thorough search today when they are gone if I have time.
I know she hasn't been taking those two pills like she should.
Found a small plastic container filled with various medications. Some were hers, some were Dads. I took that away.
Dad had numerous confrontations about money yesterday. She wants to take money out of "HER" savings account and put it in "HER" checking account so she will have $1000 to spend on vacation. Dad has told her no. He refuses to take her to the bank. This is causing quite a bit of anger. Bless him, he is doing a good job of holding his ground.
We are going to have to get a locking cabinet for the medicine. Uck. But Dr. A said we are going to have to set up our home like an Alzheimer's unit and I guess I see why.
On a personal note. Every time I forget anything a little part of me wonders if this will be my fate. When a word doesn't come quickly to me or I misplace my car keys (which I've been doing ever since I learned to drive) a little panic button is pushed. I would assume this is normal for all caregivers. But it is disconcerting.
She does not like it that I am setting up a weeks worth of night time pills. She doesn't do it that way. I can't even describe how she does it, it would be too confusing to put into words. I told her we are going to do it differently.
A number of confrontations yesterday concerning medication. She took two of her bedtime pills out of the pill case and did not remember what she did with them. One is her pill to help her get to sleep, the other is her allergy medication. She has no idea where they are and I've searched some and couldn't find them. I'll do a more thorough search today when they are gone if I have time.
I know she hasn't been taking those two pills like she should.
Found a small plastic container filled with various medications. Some were hers, some were Dads. I took that away.
Dad had numerous confrontations about money yesterday. She wants to take money out of "HER" savings account and put it in "HER" checking account so she will have $1000 to spend on vacation. Dad has told her no. He refuses to take her to the bank. This is causing quite a bit of anger. Bless him, he is doing a good job of holding his ground.
We are going to have to get a locking cabinet for the medicine. Uck. But Dr. A said we are going to have to set up our home like an Alzheimer's unit and I guess I see why.
On a personal note. Every time I forget anything a little part of me wonders if this will be my fate. When a word doesn't come quickly to me or I misplace my car keys (which I've been doing ever since I learned to drive) a little panic button is pushed. I would assume this is normal for all caregivers. But it is disconcerting.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Spend, Spend, Spend
Mom has started her early rising again. I thought when she first moved here it would go away, and it did, but now its back. I don't know if this has to do with medication, not taking her pills to help her relax at night, or if it some other demon waking her early in the morning. But she is up and wandering around at 4:30, 5:00 in the morning, and for someone who doesn't go to bed until midnight and likes to sleep until 8:00, that is too early. You can see how tired she is just by looking at her face.
I avoid her in these early mornings because this is my "me time." The time I can get my coffee and wake slowly. Think about the day, write in my journal, relax and pray. I can hear her in the kitchen and wait until she leaves to get my coffee.
I tried at the beginning, to go into her living room and say good morning. But she does not have her hearing aid in yet this early and it is impossible to talk. Then she gets upset and frustrated and puts in her hearing aid too early. She can't wear it extra hours, it hurts her ears.
She has been on a spending spree- she just has to spend money. Dad and I have talked and we are going to try to take more control of the money and finances. Part of that will be Dad having to tell her "No." She's wearing Dad out wanting him to take her to their old town and go to the mall, go to the coffee shop, go to Sam's and buy stuff she doesn't need.
Mom and I got into it after her last shopping spree at Sam's. If you take one fiber capsule a day and you already have a bottle with 375 left in it, do you really need 800 more?
If you have cases of the small square Kleenex boxes, (and they are on every flat surface in your living areas) do you really need cases of the bigger boxes? Well Mom does. She decided she doesn't like the smaller square boxes anymore. Actually she denies ever having them before.
(I think I may have found the solution for the kleenex problem- I wonder if the church would mind if I parked this in the church parking lot behind the parsonage? LOL)
If we didn't live 30 minutes away, I'd start taking things back and not telling her. But that is a waste of time. If Dad can keep her local, it might not be such a problem.
I took Mom out to lunch yesterday so Dad could go into the other town by himself and get his blood work done. He begged me to find a way to keep her busy; he didn't want her to know and he didn't want her company. I made up an excuse and told her she could shop with me for a new blouse for church.
So today, I need to try to make up the time I lost and get some more writing done.
The other night, I ended up calling the Alzheimer's "hot line" (1-800-272-3900)and talked to a counselor who said we (me) need to get control of all of Mom's money in order to prevent a disaster.
That was brought home to me yesterday when Mom came and asked me what kind of new boat did my DH need? She had a catalog with boats in it and wanted to buy him a boat. I explained his boat is just fine, he doesn't need another. She said D had mentioned wanting a particular boat. I told her that "someday" he would love to have a BASS Boat, but he doesn't go out on lakes big enough to warrant that now. She wanted to know if he had a BASS Boat, if he would be able to "keep" the bass he catches. LOL. I tried to explain "catch and release" but I'm not sure it got through.
When I told Dad about this, he said they had the same conversation. He told me he is afraid that when the condo sells, she will think she can spend all of that money. He is right. I need to call an attorney and get a trust set up. It can't wait for the sale of the home.
Mom has an appointment early June with the neuro/phychologist. I'm not sure what I hope, but it would be nice to be able to make sure she is on the right meds. A diagnosis might help us in the future as well.
I avoid her in these early mornings because this is my "me time." The time I can get my coffee and wake slowly. Think about the day, write in my journal, relax and pray. I can hear her in the kitchen and wait until she leaves to get my coffee.
I tried at the beginning, to go into her living room and say good morning. But she does not have her hearing aid in yet this early and it is impossible to talk. Then she gets upset and frustrated and puts in her hearing aid too early. She can't wear it extra hours, it hurts her ears.
She has been on a spending spree- she just has to spend money. Dad and I have talked and we are going to try to take more control of the money and finances. Part of that will be Dad having to tell her "No." She's wearing Dad out wanting him to take her to their old town and go to the mall, go to the coffee shop, go to Sam's and buy stuff she doesn't need.
Mom and I got into it after her last shopping spree at Sam's. If you take one fiber capsule a day and you already have a bottle with 375 left in it, do you really need 800 more? 
If we didn't live 30 minutes away, I'd start taking things back and not telling her. But that is a waste of time. If Dad can keep her local, it might not be such a problem.
I took Mom out to lunch yesterday so Dad could go into the other town by himself and get his blood work done. He begged me to find a way to keep her busy; he didn't want her to know and he didn't want her company. I made up an excuse and told her she could shop with me for a new blouse for church.
So today, I need to try to make up the time I lost and get some more writing done.
The other night, I ended up calling the Alzheimer's "hot line" (1-800-272-3900)and talked to a counselor who said we (me) need to get control of all of Mom's money in order to prevent a disaster.
That was brought home to me yesterday when Mom came and asked me what kind of new boat did my DH need? She had a catalog with boats in it and wanted to buy him a boat. I explained his boat is just fine, he doesn't need another. She said D had mentioned wanting a particular boat. I told her that "someday" he would love to have a BASS Boat, but he doesn't go out on lakes big enough to warrant that now. She wanted to know if he had a BASS Boat, if he would be able to "keep" the bass he catches. LOL. I tried to explain "catch and release" but I'm not sure it got through.
Mom has an appointment early June with the neuro/phychologist. I'm not sure what I hope, but it would be nice to be able to make sure she is on the right meds. A diagnosis might help us in the future as well.
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